Fri, 29 September 2023





through listening and empathy the art of the helping relationship

''Counseling'', an Anglo-Saxon expression which, however, derives its origin from the Latin verb ''consulo'' . ''Consulo'' with the meaning of consoling, and likewise counselor, those who practice it should be nothing more than the very expression of giving comfort but also help and understanding, through listening, and the closeness of a human heart, free from preconceptions and prejudices and essentially based on empathy (from the ancient Greek ???????? ) en ( ??  - inside) – pathos (????? -  to suffer/feel), therefore with the ability not to judge but to identify with the problem and understand through sensitivity deep into the moods of the person in front of you, analyzing their gestures and every nuance of the story, carefully evaluating every single word as well as every single moment of indecision or silence. Listening, but also the ability to dialogue to obtain, through verbal exchange, both the understanding of the problem and the analysis of the same from multiple angles, to orient, to search in the depths of the soul for the energies necessary to face the changes that will be possible arrive. Word but also silence, because not only through the use of dialectics but also in the absence of the melody of the word, using another form of communication, the non-verbal one, which paradoxically is more instinctive, because the soul cannot wear masks, and so she can tell herself without any veil,
and more than any other form of communication, allowing to show the true deep self, the true feelings of the other and through which it is often easier to offer him reassurance or allow him to reach that conclusion with his own strength alone than perhaps through a elaborate speech but totally The gift of knowing how to listen, of knowing how to understand by identifying with whoever is in front of us, of approaching him empathetically, but also of knowing how to take him by the hand, not through the use of science as a necessarily must do
doctor, but with care and human closeness, giving him only that aid which allows him to find by himself, in the depths of his ego, the energy which is the very essence of his soul, those resources of which he is already in possession, and that he just has to be able to find in his heart. In fact, the gift of knowing how to listen also means knowing how to follow the rhythms of the other, respecting his times, and the conflicting emotions that can accelerate or slow down his words. Sensitivity, which accompanies empathy, knowing how to perceive feelings, even the unexpressed ones, which more than visible reactions, behind the smallest gestures, or in the depths of the eyes, can reveal the secrets of the human soul. Understanding, dialectic, sensitivity, patience, mental openness, but above all the gift of knowing how to listen, and knowing how to understand the pain and feelings of others through empathy, the golden key to reach the heart of those who ask a counselor for help, while the knowing how to give courage, help to rediscover awareness, the light within us, the main purpose that the latter in front of those who help asks him, must ask himself. Those who seek help from a counselor, unlike those who turn to a doctor, (Counseling in fact is not a medical practice, therefore it is aimed at a different type of person, i.e. not manifestly affected by disorders that require only and exclusively the the work of a doctor), does not seek a solution from above, but above all offers understanding and listening, i.e. not a cure but the necessary means that allow those who ask for support to recover that inner light, i.e. the awareness and the strength to rediscover self-confidence and in one's own qualities, and to get to know new and unexpected ones that have always been present, like in a casket, like a precious treasure,
enclosed in the depths of the soul, and to rediscover those energies that perhaps seemed lost or even believed not to possess.
A path, a journey, undertaken together, but that only the person seeking help will be able to, courageously opening the door of his deepest soul, finding the answers, overcoming obstacles through the inner energy he already possesses and which during the path will be able to recover, up to the goal, find the solution, which he will have obtained, with the support, the support of the counselor, but above all with his strength, and with the shining light of his spirit, which will not abandon him, while the counselor, will have the merit of having favored this awareness, this reconquest of the ''I''. Being able to regain one's energies, to rediscover self-confidence, or to discover hidden talents, already present in a person's intimacy, but dormant or even unknown is perhaps the most difficult task, but certainly the most important and rewarding for a counselor. In a society like ours, cold, which admits with difficulty, if not at all, indecision as an error, indeed, which does not allow mistakes at all, or to make choices that will prove difficult to sustain in the long run , for those who have often been forced by circumstances, without taking into account all the possible implications, even noble motivations that lie upstream, recover self-esteem, and personal appreciation in one's abilities or merits , therefore knowing how to find once again, the light of the soul: awareness of one's individuality and of everything that belongs to our intimate, to our deepest sphere, is of fundamental importance. Too often, due to a small mistake, or an unsuccessful choice, we begin to believe that we count for nothing, that we are devoid of any ability, that we do not deserve to be happy, and that we are wasting our lives. dragging themselves day after day, in a gray and empty routine, devoid of prospects, where every hour every minute is consumed in a myriad of ''I didn't do'' ''I had to do'' ''I could have'', and so on . Without, however, glimpsing in all that forest of 'no' how many 'yes' are hiding behind it.
Not everything we intend to achieve will be successful, it would be absurd to believe that every single project can be completed and prove to be a success, not only in the case of the great moments of life, where it is necessary to make choices that will be decisive for the future, such as going to university, for example, or starting a business, or starting a family.
Important, fundamental decisions and above all that do not involve only our will and our desires, therefore before speaking of any failures with a single subject as guilty (where by subject we mean whoever is guilty of it), in the case of situations of such magnitude it would be necessary to reflect, even on the part that other people have had in the poor performance of a life project. Therefore, alongside the big choices, the big steps that every human being takes throughout his journey on this earth, there are small moments, small decisions, everyday life, certainly no less important for the well-being of the ego, nor for the self-esteem of a subject, which is normally created, increases or unfortunately decreases a little at a time every day, then bringing damage greater than what one could not imagine could depend on a single grain of sand.


Date: 15 May 2023Author: Sabrina Gatti
Credits Publisher: tratto da 'Attraverso la vertigine'', Sabrina Gatti. YCP Edizioni
immagine : ''Gocce d'arcobaleno'', Sabrina Gatti, 2023
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